Finding and Riding Your Growth Edge
Your growth edge is the fine, always shifting line between tolerating distress in an effort to make long-term changes and falling off a cliff because you have pushed yourself too far. Sometimes, it can be hard to tell if you are riding your growth edge, playing it safe, or genuinely putting yourself in a dangerous situation.
I like to compare riding one’s growth edge to the practice of weight-lifting. When individuals are looking to increase the number of pounds they are able to lift, they do not immediately start trying to lift their goal weight from scratch. However, they also do not continue to lift 5 lb. weights and wonder why they never seem to be able to lift their goal weight. Instead, individuals will gradually increase the number of pounds they practice lifting until they reach their goal weight. Each time they increase the number of pounds they are lifting it can be distressing because it is not the smaller amount their body has gotten used to, but it also does not place undue stress on the body because the increase is not extreme.
Similarly, to ride one’s growth edge means to push one’s self to tolerate the discomfort that comes from disrupting old patterns of behavior in an effort to build the muscle you are trying to develop. This muscle might be the muscle of intuitive eating, but the same concept also applies to, for example, increasing self-sufficiency in relationships, holding boundaries, engaging in effective communication practices, and other goals that often show up in therapeutic work.
Bear in mind that when I’m talking about riding your growth edge, the word I use to describe the feeling is “uncomfortable.” Not “dangerous,” “treacherous,” or “intolerable.” If the extent to which you are pushing yourself veers into dangerous territory, you have permission to pull it back. Otherwise, just like the weightlifter who immediately jumps from 5 lb. weights to attempting to lift their goal weight, you run the risk of injuring yourself.
For example, it may be comfortable, perhaps even habitual, for you to purge after a big meal, but if you’re reading this blog post, I know that “compensating” for a big meal by purging no longer aligns with your values or who you want to be. Riding your growth edge here might mean:
first pairing the purging with another self-soothing behavior before transitioning to the alternate behavior altogether
delaying the purge by 5 minutes before pushing yourself to delay it by a half hour
using distraction to prevent yourself from purging before pushing yourself to practice mindfully tolerating the discomfort and related distressing emotions without acting on them.
So, how do you know you are riding your growth edge and not pushing yourself beyond the capacity of the muscle you have thus far built? Next time you are feeling potentially stretched too far, try asking yourself:
Am I uncomfortable or is this dangerous?
Do I feel unsteady doing this or am I completely unmoored?
Will I need to do something destructive later as a way of coping with the distress I am feeling now?
And, if you’re concerned that you are continuing to lift 5 lb. weights with no idea why you cannot lift your goal weight, try asking:
Am I riding my growth edge or choosing comfort?
Am I willing to tolerate discomfort while I have the stamina to do so in an effort to disrupt old patterns?
Could this discomfort be a clue that I am moving in the right direction rather than a reason to revert to old behaviors?
Is this behavior in alignment with my values or who I want to be?
Remember, just because something is uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s wrong. The work of becoming an intuitive eater in a world that is saturated in diet-culture is not easy, but it is worth it.