You’re okay. I promise.
You are not responsible for other people’s emotional reactions to your choices, behaviors, or personal truths. This is not to say that we don’t care when our behaviors have a negative impact on others, particularly in instances where it was unintentional, but rather that our okay-ness is not dependent upon others feeling okay about us or perceiving us to be okay.
Why am I talking about this? I’m making this clarifying point because navigating intuitive eating and rejecting diet-culture in a world that is very pro-diet-culture is freaking hard and it is harder still when you are struggling to separate your thoughts and feelings from the real or perceived thoughts and feelings of others. If you’re okay-ness is dependent upon whether or not your neighbor, mother-in-law, or *insert person here* sees you as okay, and what they think is okay isn’t what you think is okay, we’re gonna have a problem.
This struggle can look like:
Wanting to wear leggings but stopping yourself because you know your mom won’t approve.
Wondering if it is okay to allow your kid to eat a second slice of cake when all the other moms say no.
Feeling guilty for skipping the group yoga class to join your coworkers at happy hour because you know your yoga buds will judge.
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? Trust me, we’ve all been there. Holding onto yourself and doing what you want, acting in alignment with your values, and staying grounded within yourself is hard. Here are some ways to navigate:
-Name the projection. Oftentimes, this thinking is fueled by assumptions about what the other person is thinking, not what they are actually thinking. Notice when you’re doing this sort of mind-reading and ask yourself: Is that what they think or is that what diet-culture is telling me they think?”
-Pause and get grounded. Take some deep breaths and redirect yourself to the present moment, tapping into how you are feeling. Are you anxious? Are you sad? Name it and own it.
-Re-center your values. Remind yourself of who you are, what you prioritize, and what you know to be true. You are a grounded individual who thinks for herself - you get to make decisions based on your thinking, not everyone else’s.
Do you struggle to practice being okay when faced with real or perceived judgement from others? How do you cope? I want to hear from you! Drop me a line at brianna@bodygrace.org.